Look at us, at the penultimate post of the year; we did it. Who would have thought?

I thought it’s only best I wrap up the year by reflecting on some of the things I started to live by; advice or quotes, or theories that acted as a guiding light leading to the end of the year.

1.

You don’t really have to answer anyone. Like not answering that phone call, or not replying that text message, or not commenting on that post that triggered you, these are all options. When I think back to the times when I restricted my life to cater to someone else’s feelings, like turning off my active status on Whatsapp, or not posting a story on Snapchat because there were people I hadn’t replied, I just think, ALL THESE TIMES, I COULD HAVE JUST NOT REPLIED and gone on with my life.

In the great Taylor Swift’s words: Dear Reader, you don’t have to answer, just ‘cause they asked you.

2.

If you can’t beat them, join them. I started to accept that you cannot always be the change you want by being an example; sometimes you have to be like the people you want to change, to be the change you want.

I always want to be the change I want to see. If I don’t like the way something is, I set an example and let people know how it should be done, but after years and months of exhaustion, I now know that it is not just a female flaw, but it inevitably does the opposite. It drives people into putting you on a pedestal and why do they have to bother with changing themselves, when you the beacon of change can pick up their slack?

Now, while you’re busy trying to get everyone to change, your male counterpart is busy doing what they enjoy, going to the gym, climbing the corporate ladder, or playing golf, BUT I DIGRESS.

This year I learnt, in so many aspects of my life, to take a step back and watch the world (things around me I’m constantly trying to change) burn. Maybe then everyone would see the problem.

3.

The Fatal Flaw Friendship Theory(Rule). This was a viral Tiktok video that made its way to Twitter. The rule states that: For every close or best friend that you have, they have a fatal flaw (that) you have to accept and choose not to be bothered about because it’s part of who they are. If the friend does something related to (or in the realm of ) that fatal flaw, you just have to accept it cause it’s a write-off. If you cannot accept it, then you should demote or distance yourself, otherwise, you’d be constantly mad at them for it and it’d drive you crazy.

It’s as simple as it is but it’s come to become one of the most useful tools in my arsenal.

Say you have a friend that’s always late, and it drives you crazy, you can either choose to accept it as part of their personality, or drop that friend. But you can’t keep getting mad at them each time they’re late. It’s a recipe for souring friendships.

4.

“I was smart but a smart 18-year-old is still an 18-year-old”. – Evan Rachel Wood on being groomed/abused by Marilyn Manson.

This is not something I learnt this year but it’s something I started to interpret differently this year. Outside of its original context, it’s a steady reminder, whenever I find that I’m castigating myself for a mistake I was none the wiser for, that I am constantly growing and learning. In my head, I’m continuously telling myself that I don’t know it all and that there’s room for mistakes and regrets. When I think back to my younger years, how I used to think I was so smart and I knew what I was doing, I now realise that I was only as smart, or as wise as my age, as the things I’ve seen and within the realm of my experience, and as I grow, I’d only get wiser, smarter, see things differently.

5.

Everybody get wetin dey do them. In non-Nigerian vocabulary, everyone has their own unique problems. And what I’ve learnt from this this year is that other people’s problems are not trivial just because you think it is. I’m learning to be more accommodating to listening to people talk about their ‘silly little problems’.

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There are my five takeaways from this year. Let me anything you learnt this year, you want to share.